Moving somewhere new, going to a new ward, or meeting people for the first time is when we're going to feel uncomfortable and wish we could be ourselves. I long to be around people I knew on my mission such as my companions and investigators because they knew the Real me.
Returning home I've been standing around people thinking, "No one knows me anymore. Why do I feel I need to explain for all the different mannerisms I have?" I was hardwired for 18 months to pray before leaving the car, never touching our food till we prayed, and comparing everything to the gospel. I've been trying to understand how to blend the two different but similar individuals, Danielle Cox and Sister Cox. Then it dawned on me one morning during my scripture study that I don't know the Real me. The only person who does is my Father in Heaven. I lived as a spirit daughter of God before this life. Who was this person? What was this person capable of doing? Was I someone who actively fought in the war in heaven to defend Jesus Christ? Did I play an influential role in helping my brothers and sisters choose Christ rather than Satan? I believe I did! I believe we all did! Realizing that we were saved for this last dispensation confirms in my heart we weren't sitting on the side lines being swayed by others. We stood strong to defend Jesus Christ. Can we honestly say to ourselves that watching hours of television is why we were saved for the last dispensation of time?! Why don't we break away from all the frivolous activities in our lives and Open our Mouths and share the gospel! That's why we were saved for the last dispensation of time!
My relationship with God has changed. I have deeper, more meaningful conversations (prayers) trying to discover Me. I have always been a very driven, goal oriented person who's always tried to "become" who I was supposed too. I now understand I need to discover who this spirit is inside of me. We all have strong spirits that are capable than so much more than what we are currently doing? Why don't we let the Lord tell us who we are and our potential rather than our peers and influencers in our lives?